They’re not pigtails… they’re cat ears (Week 4 weigh-in)

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Is it just me or did January just fly by?

Before I knew it, it was time to take my monthly pictures again. I found myself standing in my friend, Andrea’s living room again wearing those tight yoga shorts that emphasize every physiological flaw in my derriere. (Which… for the record I would never wear to an actual yoga class. Nobody wants to see that down dog.)

In other words, I had been dreading this day all month long. I am fairly certain the result is going to hurt my feelings.

I took my “before” pictures shortly after Christmas and I still haven’t seen them. Taking before pictures isn’t that big of a deal because you are supposed to look like crap. (Even if it is your second round of “before” pictures.) But today was my first progress picture.

What if you couldn’t see the progress?

I couldn’t help but feel nervous when I pulled up to Andrea’s house.

When I asked her to take these photos for me I thought I would be super comfortable with it since I talk to her about anything/everything. But somehow when I looked up at her, masked by her super expensive camera, I couldn’t help but feel the awkward 13 year old that will forever remain embedded in my soul start to make an appearance. I just kind of froze in front of the camera forgetting to flex my ab muscles in an attempt at not sucking in my gut. I couldn’t help it I just felt self-conscious and in my frozen stupor I just let it all hang out.

I haven’t felt that self-conscious in a long time. Over the years I’ve kind of adopted an attitude of self acceptance. I really like who I am and I’ve decided that it doesn’t matter if you agree but as far as I’m concerned… I’m pretty awesome.

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But for some reason, today, when I donned those ugly shorts all of the confidence vanished.

Everyday when I see my middle schooler’s roam the halls emanating their prepubescent self-aware-but-not-really-aware awkwardness I can sometimes feel myself silently willing them to love themselves. Why can’t you see what I see?! I will silently scream at them.

Yet, there I was today trembling in my booty shorts…

What gives?

I still haven’t seen the results of those photos. Andrea is taking the time to add a watermark to ensure that my pictures don’t get stolen again. I’ll be posting the result sometime this weekend. Honestly, I don’t mind putting it off while she edits them. I will pretty much do anything to stall on that :)

When I weighed in this morning I had no idea what to expect. This week was all over the map. On Saturday I woke up in the worst mood. I just couldn’t shake it. So instead of glaring at my family all day long I decided to head outside for a nice long run to see if I could improve my spirits. It was really cold outside but the time to myself was worth all of the shivering.

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After that run I quickly realized that I was in such a rotten mood due to the fact that I was exhausted. For the rest of the day I was completely useless. I had the hardest time keeping my eyes open. For the remainder of the day I was only capable of snuggling under blankets and watching movies. I didn’t even have the energy to eat and subsisted off of homemade popcorn and earl grey tea.

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I kept trying to caffeinate myself awake, but even that didn’t work. I started to worry that I was seriously getting sick or that I was pregnant because I hadn’t felt that fatigued in a long time. I went to bed at seven that night.

The next morning I woke up just as the sun made its appearance. As the sun streamed through the windows the fog had lifted and I was ready to make up for lost weekend time.

We started off the day with big sticky bowls of oatmeal and headed straight for the book store in remembrance of our old farmer’s market/ book store excursions we used to take when the weather was warmer. The farmer’s market isn’t ready yet, but the book store always is…

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In the mean time, Penelope has decided that she is a pirate named Jake. (She got this from the cartoon Jake and the Neverland Pirates.) While we were at the book store she made friends with a little boy and their introductions sounded like this:

Boy- “Hi, my name is Ezra. What’s your name?”

Penelope- “I’m Jake!”

Boy- “Uh… Jake is a boy name and you are a little girl.”

Penelope- “I’m not a girl. I’m a boy.”

Boy- “But you have braids, so you are a girl.”

Penelope- “They’re not braids.”

Boy- “I mean pigtails, you have pigtails so you are a girl.”

Penelope- “Those aren’t pigtails. They’re cat ears.”

Boy- “Oh (?)…”

After an hour they were best friends, so I ended up exchanging phone numbers with his mom. We went home just long enough to fill up on some chicken harvest soup and headed out again to play at the park and fit in another run…

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It was absolutely beautiful outside! The kids were giggling, the dogs were barking and the kites were dangling in the air. We just couldn’t bare to go inside… so we didn’t.

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We stayed to chase remote control cars and feed the ducks. The whole time Penelope introduced herself as Jake to all of her new friends. We didn’t dare go inside until the sun slipped behind the mountains.

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It was beautiful for the remainder of the week. After work we went on family bike rides and I was even crazy enough to go for a sunrise walk and talk with my friend Andrea on the same day that I had parent/teacher conferences. Fifteen hours later when I got home from work I was super tired, but decided the sunrise was worth it.

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I felt a lot of mommy guilt for working so much, so when I got home from work yesterday I snuggled the girls and watched more movies. Penelope was super clinging and fell asleep on my chest. As we lied there I could feel her temperature creeping up. You could tell that she was feeling under the weather, so I didn’t leave the couch all evening. That night we all tucked in and watched Mr. Peabody and Sherman.

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Later that night when I tucked her into bed I kissed her forehead and said, “Good night Penelope.”

She said, “I’m not Penelope.”

“I’m sorry… Goodnight Jake.”

“I’m not Jake. I’m Sherman.”

“Okay, good night Sherman.”

She whispered, “Goodnight Mr. Peabody.”

She was feverish all night and I had to get up a couple of times with her throughout the night. I felt tired and hung over this morning when I woke up. I stumbled into the bathroom and stripped down for the weigh in. I had no idea if I would lose any weight. I was trying to be as quiet as possible so that I wouldn’t wake Penelope up. The scale creaked under my feet and read 200.4. So close to being under that dreaded 200 pound mark! I’m down 1.6 pounds from last week and eleven pounds in a month.

Who knows, maybe we will see a difference when I get my photos back.

As I stepped off the scale and started to put my clothes back on I heard a little voice across the hallway say…

“Mr. Peabody! I’m awake now!”

“Okay Sherman… I’m coming.”

;)

Weekly Weigh-in #3

You know what? My blog posts lately have been super lame.

I’ve just been so busy lately, I don’t have to time to truly sit and have a conversation with you. It’s kind of like trying to talk to your friend while simultaneously yelling at your toddler to quit licking the wall. I have actually tried to sit down and write this post for the past 12 hours but I haven’t gone five minutes without being interrupted.

So here it is… the really lame blog post that just talks about my job and that one time this week I that worked out. It’ll include a revelation, self pitying venting, and some information you wish you could unread because it simply includes more information than you would prefer to receive.

So go on…

You can read it now…

Or just skip it and revert back to the days when I actually had a sense of humor because if I read this post I wouldn’t want to be my friend.

The Lame Blog Post That Took Me An Entire Day To Write.

(Please shoot me. Or give me a shot of something.)

I’m here, I’m here!

I didn’t forget weigh in day, today has just been crazy.

Let me just say… on the teacher front things are going better than I could have ever expected! My kids tell me on a daily basis how much they love me. (It makes my heart glow.) I currently have a temporary job and lately there have been talks of figuring out a way for me to keep my job for next year on a full time basis which would be awesome. But it puts a little pressure to keep going strong.

So, last night when I got home for work I looked in my massive bag full of grading that needed to be done and had an internal debate over whether to go for my planned work out or to grade.

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The work out won, and I didn’t regret it one bit.

I didn’t realize just how badly I needed to have time to myself until I got lost in the music and was free to just day dream and sweat. There’s nothing quite so cleansing as sweating on purpose.

It turns out I was more stressed than I had allowed myself to believe. I have had a headache for five of the past seven days, but I just kept rolling with it. Before I knew it the week was over, and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

The week had started off a little rough…

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I spent my Monday stranded at Target with Penelope.

I ended up spending about five hours circling around the store while I waited for the stoned locksmith to figure out how to do the least amount of work for the most amount of money. The fact that he was stoned didn’t bother me as much as the fact that he was a complete asshole. What was even more frustrating was that I couldn’t articulate the fact that I thought he was an asshole unless I wanted to spend another five hours at Target with an insane toddler.

After that incident I was a bit traumatized and refused to go to the grocery store for the rest of the week. Needless to say, I spent the week meal plan free. I was so preoccupied this week that I ate what I wanted, but honestly, I wasn’t really in the mood for anything too bad. If I did eat something less than healthy I didn’t eat very much of it.

I also spent my week struggling with a strong case of “my uterus hates me” which required more dark chocolate, bloating and mood swings than normal. The only workout I had all week was last night. Therefore, when the moment to step on the scale arrived I was less than excited.

I closed my eyes, stepped on the scale and was surprised to see that I had still lost a pound regardless of the fact that I had broken my no alcohol/ordering in food rule. I weighed in at 202 pounds, that is 9.4 pounds down after three weeks.

I’m not skinny by any means, but I still rocked my jeans instead of my elastic band leggings.

I think it is safe to say that the holiday cleanse is complete. I’m no longer a sugar crazed crack head jonesing for cupcakes.

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How did your week go?

P.S. Just so you know I have literally been writing this post all. day. long. In the last hour alone I have had to stop in order to read three different Fancy Nancy books, eat a fake picnic, change two diapers, and have a photo shoot…

Photo on 1-23-15 at 5.20 PM

Weekly Weigh-in #2

Hi!

I missed you.

This week was crazy. As a 7th grade Language Arts teacher there are four times during the school year when I have to grade a massive project and this was one of those times. I kept taking pictures throughout the week in the hopes that I would have time to write up a quick post but it never happened. Instead, I opted for reading “If You Give a Moose a Muffin” and making greek-yogurt-blueberry-muffins with Penelope.

For the entirety of the week my friends hadn’t heard from me, my toddler cried when I went to the bathroom because she thought I was leaving for work, and most of my morning workouts had been replaced with early morning grading sessions.

That being said, I have still managed to sneak in a few workouts. One afternoon the weather was warm enough to hit the path for an afternoon run. I couldn’t go home to change because Penelope was waiting for me and would have flipped out if I left again. And I couldn’t change at school because… well, it just feels too weird changing anywhere in the vicinity of my students. So I changed in the Barnes and Noble bathroom. The problem is I forgot to take off my nerdy teacher glasses before I took off running.

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The ride home was a bit hazy.

The week started off great with a nice Sunday walk to the coffee shop. (I ordered a simple non-fat latte thankyouverymuch.)

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The problem is we had to pass one of my schools was on the way there. As we walked I thought about the World War II pictures I promised the kids I would bring in for the unit… and all of the grading I had to do… and all of the copies I had to make… and. Okay, I’ll stop.

So that afternoon while Penelope was taking her “rest” time I headed to work to get some stuff done.

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There is something about being alone in an abandoned dark building during a cloudy yucky day that makes you glad that you brought a hammer with you.

I spent so much time planning my upcoming unit that I didn’t really have time to meal plan. I did a quick peek through the pantry and the refrigerator to make sure I had enough healthy stuff on hand and called it good. Despite the fact that I was super busy and slightly stressed out I still managed to stay on track all week long. I didn’t have one pity me sugar latte, or a I’m too busy to pack my lunch burrito… not even once.

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All of my hard work for the week paid off. My students love the new unit I’m teaching, my pants don’t feel like they are slicing me in half, and I got to go on a nice walk and talk with my friend around a frozen lake while we watched the sun rise this morning.

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Life is good!

Although… there was a creeper on the path with us who just stared at me when I chirped a “Good Morning!” The trail we walked on was close to a retirement community and I’ve made several senior citizen friends over the years running that trail…

That guy wasn’t one of them.

My friend Andrea and I decided that it might be best if we just walked a tad bit faster. And I plotted how I was going to escape his grasp if he just so happened to be a psycho.

FYI: My strategy is to act bat shit crazy… When I was a teenager and was paranoid about peeping toms I decided that if someone were outside my window there wouldn’t be any hiding under the covers. Instead, I would leap to the window throw up the curtains and scream like a maniac that wants to eat someone’s face.

Nobody’s gonna mess with that.

(I’m seeing a pattern of paranoia going on here, but we’re just going pretend like it’s not weird and just go with it.)

Anyway, I digress because the hammer nor my scare tactics were needed throughout the week.

But my weight loss strategies worked so that’s pretty awesome! I weighed in 3 pounds less than last week at 203 vs. the 206 from last week. That’s down 8.4 pounds after two weeks!

Yay me!

Enough about me, how did your week go? Run in to any psychos? Lose any weight?

Weekly Weigh-in #1

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I’m gonna be honest with you guys… it took me a while to get into the groove this week. I told myself that I would be hardcore from day one (last Friday). That mentality didn’t really come to fruition until Monday. Up until that point I kind of dabbled in dieting but I wasn’t fully committed.

You know why? I hate dieting.

BUT after months and months of just doing whatever I wanted to the point of ridiculous it turns out to be absolutely necessary.  If you are going to be extreme in the “I don’t give a shit department”. You better be prepared to get extreme in the other direction if you have any hopes of undoing any of the damage that has been done. So, that’s what I’m doing…

There seems to be a progression of revelations that come with dieting that seems eerily similar to the steps of grief.

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Shock and Denial- I’m not that fat… Oh CRAP I am that fat! :( I can’t handle this right now, I’ll deal with it tomorrow.

Anger and Depression- How did it get this far? What the hell is wrong with me? Why didn’t you just start yesterday?

Release and Honor- I know what I need to do and that’s all there is to it.

Return to Love- I get more awesome day after day! Can everybody see how awesome I am?

Over the weekend I was still in shock and denial. Then Monday and Tuesday rolled around and I exercised self-discipline for the first time in a long time. This pissed me off because I don’t like being bossed around, even if I am the one doing the bossing. Then Wednesday through today I’m feeling pretty proud for accomplishing all of the little steps that I took through the week.

The counting calories part was the hardest for me. But it proved to be the best method for regaining some perspective. I would try to sneak in something not 100% healthy and I ended up hungry at the end of the day. But if I filled up on wholesome goodness within my calorie range I felt great. That prompted me to continue to make smart choices.

For instance, last night I had some calories left over after dinner. I wanted a little dessert so I contemplated eating a piece of dark chocolate and savoring it. Or eating apples and greek yogurt. I chose the apples and greek yogurt and it was awesome.

Weigh-in

When I weighed myself after the New Year I was shocked to see that I weighed 211.4 pounds. When I stepped on the scale today I weighed 206. That’s 5.4 pounds.

Honestly, I wish it were more. I wanted that 211.4 pounds to be mostly water weight from the holidays but I don’t think it is. The sobering fact is it is mostly comprised of fat.

I really am disappointed about ending up in this situation again…

I could blame it on all kinds of things: the ectopic pregnancy, PCOS hormones, new job, busy lifestyle… but none of that stuff matters. Wasting energy trying to justify how I ended up this heavy again doesn’t do anything for me in the future.

What I need to do is take this process one day at a time and pat myself on the back for each and every good decision that I make that leads me to where I want to go. In fact, that has kind of become a little nightly ritual. I track everything that I ate,  contemplate on all of the exercise I did and then I just take a moment to feel proud of myself.

Yes… I realize how cheesy that sounds..

But I really think it is necessary in the early stages of a lifestyle change.

I stripped down to my little blue short shorts for a new round of before and after pics. These will be posted on Friday January 30th along with the 1 month progress.

Now there is nothing left to do but keep going and that includes lunch with middle schoolers…

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Meals For Week 1 of a New Year

Hi guys!

It’s my first day back to work and I just got done with my early morning gym session. I wanted to take the time to share the meals I’ve planned on cooking through out the week before I get engulfed in teacher stuff and forget to.

My mason jar lunch pick of the week is Kale and Wild Rice Bowls with Honey Balsamic Vinaigrette

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I haven’t made this yet so I have a hodgepodge of healthy stuff sitting in random containers in my purse as we speak.

The dinners I plan on making through out the week are:

Chicken veggie stir fry w/ brown rice

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(I don’t use a recipe for my stir fry… I just make it. But you can use this link if you want to.)

Crock Pot Sweet Potato and Quinoa Chili

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(Minus the chips ;) )

Grilled Chicken w/ Purple cauliflower rice w/ scallions and roasted asparagus

(No picture I just made that up)

Spaghetti Squash Lasagna Boats

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I’ve got to hurry I have a meeting in 20 minutes BUT I have to share some good news and some bad news with you…

Good news is I’m not as fat as I thought I was because the pounds are already falling off.

The bad news is I cheated yesterday. Brent and I had money left over on a gift certificate to an awesome microbrewery near by. They have awesome Texas Brisket Tacos… the Cowboys were playing… I’m from Texas… just sayin.

The good news is that prior to the microbrewery I had gone to the gym and worked out. Plus I had gone to the movies to see Unbroken with Bridget SANS SNACKS. We didn’t even sneak anything in. (Well technically I did sneak in Kind bars because they were in my purse but we didn’t eat them so it doesn’t count.

More good news… we don’t have anymore gift cards taunting us to cheat anymore.

I just had to get that off of my chest. I did and now I feel better… Now I better hurry up and go to work!

P.S. There are probably typos because I’m in such a rush. Don’t judge me!

Have a great day everyone!!!