Dance Fight

You may or may not know this about me but if Beyonce were dead, I would be her reincarnated.

Granted, I’m a bit pastier and all of my jelly is in the wrong places but that doesn’t stop me from channeling my own Sasha Fierce…

beyonce

I dance when cleaning the house, when I’m running, when I’m cooking, when I’m trying to embarrass Bridget… I just can’t help myself.

Brent hates taking me to clubs because I will go out there and dance my little heart out. I have my own brand of “special” that mixes in great with those on the tipsy side.

I’ll pick up dance moves from other people on the dance floor and amplify it times ten. I do this because I have an aversion to trying to act sexy. I just can’t do it and be serious at the same time. So instead, I will imitate the moves that I’m seeing on the dance floor. This may seem mean because in a way I’m making fun of people but I think it’s okay because the only person who looks like a fool is me. Plus, my victims always end up either making their way over to dance with me or  looking at me like…”Oh that poor girl.” When that happens I just grin and try to bounce my booty to show off my mad skills. This never really works because everything but my booty bounces.

I’ve never been in a dance fight but I’ve decided that if I were ever to initiate one I would do it with the booty bounce.

Usually while I’m out being crazy Brent is at the bar trying to obtain some form of beer goggles in order to handle the obnoxious creature his wife has become. This always ends with him looking out on the dance floor to see some weirdo trying to grind up to me as I transition to “the sprinkler” or some other awkward dance move in an attempt to scare the molester away. Whether or not it works, Brent always ends up white-man-dancing his way onto the floor to save me. If I’m lucky he stays out there and we dance horribly together.

As I was dancing to Radio Disney this morning I realised that we haven’t gone out like that in two years. When I went to the gym this morning I got the itch to dance again as I passed the Zumba class that had already started. I had no intentions of going but was kind of bummed when I saw the class had already started.

I let myself look longingly for a few minutes before I dropped Penelope off at the daycare and headed toward the treadmills. Where I did the following interval training…

Treadmill

Warm-Up:

5 minute walking at 4.0

15 Minutes of Intervals:

2 minutes at 7.0

1 minute at 4.0

 Then I went to the elliptical and got ready for another dance party in my head. I spent the next 30 minutes adjusting the incline and resistance for each song that played on Pandora to go with the beat. It was just like dancing.

Then this song came on “Like a G6” and I couldn’t help myself. My head started bopping and my shoulders got in the action, then my hips… and then my foot slipped off of the pedal. I caught myself before I fell completely. As I straightened up I looked around to see if anyone had noticed…

The girl on the elliptical next to me gave me a dirty look and I almost jumped off of the elliptical machine to do my booty bounce in front of her as if to say… YOU WANNA DANCE FIGHT?!

But I didn’t, I just gave her an embarrassed half smile and went back to my workout.

18 thoughts on “Dance Fight

  1. Britney Spears is my spirit pop star (like a spirit animal, but better). I have her loaded up on my workout playlist and I (in true B.Spears fashion) lip sync while on the treadmill/elliptical. I’m such an embarrassment.

  2. Just so you know. Beyonce stole her costume idea from my Chicago costume… 🙂 I don’t look nearly as good. A work in progress.

  3. I love reading your posts about how silly you are!! I completely see myself doing something like this. Also, I have an AMAZING treadmill workout if you want to see if it’s something you’d like to do. Let me know!

  4. I didn’t realize there were other women out there who openly embraced making a complete spectacle of themselves on the dance floor… and enjoyed tormenting their children so much! It’s like we are soul-sisters in this universe! Great story!

  5. Soooooo…it’s probably not right that my five and a half year old son says at a Superbowl Party, “Look mom! It’s Beyonce! Show them your Beyonce butt shake” and then proceeds to get up and start doing it himself.

    Well, you know the children are our future…we need to teach them young and let them lead the way.

  6. I know you will find this hard to believe, but Terry isn’t a dancer either. His desire to avoid danceable music at any cost leaves me with few options to dance. When I do I go full out. I can only imagine how ridiculous this must look, especially since my “moves” haven’t been honed since the early 90’s. Next time you go, give us a call. At least Terry and Brent can hang in the corner and I will help block the molesters with my great moves!!

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