Cheers You Slimy Suckers

So I have a little confession to make… I’ve been a little stressed out.

I was in denial because I wanted my cousin to have fun while she was here. By the end of her trip the window company we bought our new windows from informed me that they would be installing them the day she left. At first I was really excited but then I started to take down the blinds and found myself completely overwhelmed by just how ghetto fabulous the previous owners of our house were.

I mean seriously, who glues match boxes from Vegas to their blinds???

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It took forever to get those suckers down! Once I finally got the job done I was coated in dust and silently reprimanding myself for not being a tidier homeowner.

I don’t really think it was the windows that had me stressed out but more the fact that my husband is away for so long. I’m not normally clingy but I was nowhere near mentally prepared to have him be deployed to fight a wild-fire for two weeks. Deployments aren’t always so spur of the moment. I’m still kicking myself for not giving him a kiss before he left for work.

In the mean time while I complain about how stressed out I am about dusty blinds he’s off fighting something that looks like this…

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(He sent me this picture from his phone upon arrival.)

Since then the West Fork Complex Fire has grown significantly. When I got to talk to him he told me that his crew was supposed to be assigned to where the brunt of the action was but for some strange reason the starter in their rig went out before they could get there. While he went on and on about how ticked he was to be missing out on all of the good stuff I was secretly counting my blessings that the starter didn’t go out on them while the fire was bearing down on them. I was really glad that he had a boring day waiting for it to be repaired.

In other news, I have decided to see if I can get a bunch of slugs drunk…

My garden is a disaster. Over the past week and a half something has eaten the majority of my plants. When I found huge gaping holes I sprayed an organic insecticide that I had on hand all over my plants. Guess what…

I burned the shit out of them. So now not only do I have holy plants but they are crispy to boot. Check it out…

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Crusty zucchini… yum.

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Dinner plate dahlias.

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This was a dinner plate dahlia too… before it got eaten.

I freaked out and went to the nursery and had the professionals pick an organic insecticide that was supposed to be used on plants and I immediately came home and sprayed them. I felt happy with myself until the next morning when I found more holes.

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(I don’t think I’ll ever be able to read The Hungry Caterpillar again. I’ve come to realize that this is not a cute children’s book… it’s a tragedy.)

I was starting to become desperate. What was I going to do? Every time I woke up in the morning a little more of my garden was gone! I finally went to another nursery and they told me that I was either dealing with slugs or a worm of some sort. They told me to put out some beer because slugs love beer. If I wake up to find slugs passed out in the beer then I know who the culprit is. So I thought it wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot…

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(Cheers you slimy little suckers.)

I really hope I find a bunch of drunk slugs in the morning. That way I know who the culprit is. Otherwise I’ll just keep on living the most boring murder mystery there ever was.

In the mean time I’m going to have to remember that I have not replaced my blinds just yet while I get dressed for bed tonight. I don’t need the whole neighborhood looking at my goodies. Especially the weirdo who lives a block away and insists that I keep my porch light off so he can search for comets in the sky with his telescope. That’s right buddy I’ve got my eye on you too. (But that’s another tale for another day.)

I will say that I love the way the windows came out so he can feel free to admire those… during the day… minus the telescope.

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I’ll let you know how my slug experiment pans out… I’m sure you’ll be waiting on the edge of your seats 😉

2 thoughts on “Cheers You Slimy Suckers

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