An Attempt At Keeping My Thighs From Eating My Shorts

As you well know this week as been a “get your shit together week”. It’s sort of a theme I have going on with this blog…

Monday was awesome, I did everything I set out to do. I woke up early got in a few loads of laundry, planned out all of my workouts for the week and was rearing and ready to go before the girls had even woken up.

As promised (to myself) I loaded the jogging stroller and headed out for an early morning run when Penelope woke up before the stay-at-home crazies kicked in. It was awesome. I’m sure I felt more awesome than I looked as I wobbled around trying to navigate through my music and keep my shorts from creeping up my thighs all while steering a jogging stroller. Have you ever noticed my subtitle, An Attempt At Keeping My Thighs From Eating My Shorts?

I wasn’t kidding.

The entire day was spent doing everything my dream self would do. I even felt like mother of the year when Penelope stole my green smoothie from me…

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I posted it on Facebook as if to say…”See, even my baby loves liquid veggies. We are. That. Perfect. Jealous?” That’s the game we play on Facebook. Isn’t that why we only post the good looking photos of ourselves and the things we do right? I sort of ruin the effect with this blog, though… I need to learn how to keep it on the DL.

Anyway, the whole day went that way. It was awesome.

Then I woke up on Tuesday and I just could not get moving. My throat was killing me and I had a fever. I had been fighting off the cold that everyone else in my family had gotten for the past week and a half and it finally caught up with me. I was miserable.

I managed to get to Whole Foods to buy some Umcka to help fight it off. At a whopping $16 bucks it was worth every penny because I’ve taken this miracle worker before and was fine the next day. I was hoping for the same results.

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Needless to say, I didn’t fit in a workout on Tuesday. I didn’t eat much either because my throat was killing me. For the first time in forever I wished it was freezing outside so that I could curl up with a bowl of soup or hot tea. It was too hot for that so instead I sweat it out in my bed when I took a three hour nap. Luckily Brent was home from work.

I was a zombie for the entire day.

Funnily enough when I woke up this morning I felt fine. I was still tired but my sore throat was gone. I had scheduled a crossfit workout but Brent wouldn’t let me do it. Since he’s my trainer I didn’t have any choice. He thought I should take it easy since I was so sick the day before.

Since I couldn’t workout I focused on eating super clean. I had greek yogurt and berries for breakfast and kale salad for lunch. Once again I was so proud when Penelope insisted I share my salad with her.

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She didn’t really like the salad. She would take a big bite, spit it out, scoop up another bite and spit it out again until she decided she would rather sweep than eat anymore kale.

For dinner I made fresh bruschetta using this recipe. I pan seared some chicken with salt and pepper and melted a little bit of mozzarella on top before piling on the bruschetta.

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I got all giddy when I plucked the basil out of my garden for this recipe. When I walked back into my kitchen I saw the massive stack of zucchini waiting to be used up. The guilt got the better of me so I threw together a zucchini pie for a side along with a salad.

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Everyone is so sick of zucchini at my house. So, I thought there would be plenty of leftovers for breakfast. Turns out everyone loved it… even the kids. There are only two pieces left and I have a feeling I better be the first one to the fridge tomorrow morning or my breakfast plans will be eaten by my husband.

After dinner Bridget and I went for a walk ‘n talk. I usually have to drag her out of the house to go for a walk with me. But once she gets out she enjoys it. (That’s what I tell myself.)  We walked around in the sunshine/rain. It was sunny but raining at the same time and it made the most beautiful rainbow…

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When we looked up and saw it Bridget squeezed my hand and told me that she really does love going on walks with me 🙂

Kabobs Aren’t Cute and Other News

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Earlier this summer I had it dialed in. I was working out, eating well and just generally being awesome at life. I was feeling healthy, happy and totally in control. Then we had a trip or two, a few house guests and a wildland deployment and suddenly I had lost that awesome groove I had found myself in.

I feel like that chick who is clapping her hands at the wrong time during a song.

So this weekend was dedicated to finding that rhythm that I had found earlier this summer. It didn’t come naturally so I had to fake being more organized and prepared than I actually am. My goal was to start creating new better habits since it’s become so blatantly clear that I have fallen into bad ones.

Here are a few of the new habits I’m trying to force onto myself…

Habit #1: Workout first thing in the morning. It doesn’t have to be my whole workout but I’ve got to get something under my belt before the distractions start rolling in. We have a choice here, either Mommy takes time to workout or she starts choking down crazy pills with her morning vodka. And apparently there is a good chance she’ll start talking in the third person too… What the crap was that?

Habit #2: Quit wasting time. I feel like I’m always stuck in transition. I’m more of a fly by the seat of your pants kinda gal but this way of life doesn’t really work out well with a toddler. I have found it is necessary for me to schedule in a shower or it just doesn’t happen. That’s gross. I’ve decided that I need to create a tentative schedule so that I don’t spin around in circles trying to figure out what I need to get done.

Habit #3: Take a moment to take care of you. Not you… me. I’m the kind of girl who is okay with not looking good 100% of the time. I just need to know that I could look good if I wanted to. That being said, I feel so much better when my hair is fixed and I’m not sporting a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt all day long. Primping feels like such a luxury but the truth is if I had a job I would do it. So there is no shame in spending a little face time in the mirror.

Like I said, I have gotten so out of tune everything I tried this weekend to get into a better groove felt really forced. I spent a ton of time in the kitchen trying to get back into eating cleaner, homemade food. I even made kabobs because they always look pretty when you see them in magazines and on blogs. Well guess what…

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Kabobs aren’t cute. It takes forever to skewer the damn things and then they don’t cook evenly! Proof that picture perfect isn’t always so perfect.

I was a little disappointed that those didn’t work out like I had imagined so I made zucchini carrot coconut craisin oatmeal cookies shortly after. I was telling myself that I was making these to use up that blasted zucchini that is taking over my garden but the truth is I wanted a cookie because I was bummed out about my kabobs.

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I hid behind that fake mask of health as I blended sugar and softened butter together in the name of veggie filled cookies.

The truth is, we don’t need cookies in the house. After I started mixing I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stay out of them but luckily they weren’t as good as I thought they would be. (Probably because of all of the healthy stuff.) Personally, I thought the cookie dough on it’s own tasted so much better.  Luckily, everyone else thought they were awesome so I let them eat half of the batch before I froze the rest for future after school snacks… See? I’m thinking ahead.

So far of all the things that I had spent the time prepping and cooking didn’t turn out that great. Then I made this kale chopped salad with maple-almond vinaigrette . It was so yummy I couldn’t stop thinking about it. In fact, I’ll probably be eating this for lunch tomorrow.

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It’s got just enough naughty bits (bacon and fried shallots) to make it crave worthy but healthy enough to make you feel good about eating it.

I also made this cherry almond oatmeal one morning and it was super yummy too.

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My entire weekend wasn’t spent in the kitchen. I spent a lot of time playing outside with the girls and frequenting the farmer’s market.

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I also spent some time in the yard admiring my handiwork…

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Today was delightfully rainy. It almost felt like fall so Bridget and I spent the afternoon watching Modern Family while I did the laundry. It has been determined that I am Cam…

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pink loves me

cam

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I just love that guy, but honestly I would rather be one of the hottie moms on the show… just sayin’.

Speaking of which, I better go because I have to do a workout first thing in the morning!

Week 30 Weigh-in

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***First off, the person who won the Purina Dog Chow prize is Brandi with the two pugs! Email me at toohottieforthatbody@gmail.com with your full name and address and I will make sure your puppies get their package in the mail.***

Last night was the worst night of sleep I’ve had in a long time so you’ll have to excuse me if I’m a little grumpy. Everyone in my house has caught this vicious summer cold except me.

After about a week of this cold Penelope decided that snotty noses just down right tick her off. She spent ALL night screaming. I’m not kidding. She angry screamed from 11-3. This was the fourth night where I had gotten up with her at least five times and I was on the verge of losing it. We were both pretty much done.

I woke up this morning in a fog. I wanted to get this post done before she woke up in the morning. I tiptoed into the bathroom to weigh myself. I didn’t do my obligatory strip down because I didn’t want to make any noise. When I stepped on the scale my heart sank. I weighed in at 196. I wanted to cry. There is no reason for me to be putting on weight like this. Instead of crying I reset my resolve and put my game face on. There will be no playing around this week. I know what I need to do and I need to do it before things get out of hand. Besides getting chubbier is just bumming me out.

For the record, I’m really mad. I’m mad at the scale, I’m mad at my baby who won’t sleep and I’m mad at myself for being so damn honest with you guys. Sometimes it sucks to be honest, especially when the truth hurts. Whoever decided sharing your weight with the world was a good idea?

Phew… okay. Strangely, I feel better now that I’ve gotten that off of my chest.

It’s a good thing too because I can hear Penelope chirping in her crib. She sounds so cute as she babbles away in there. I’m kind of looking forward to our early morning snuggle. It’s a miracle I feel this way, a sign that it truly is a new day.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Coco Robicheaux

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Today was one of those days that I actually did everything that I set out to do… It wasn’t easy but I did it.

You see I have this bratty alter ego whose name is Coco Robicheaux. She’s always getting me into precarious situations by giving me crazy ideas. When I was younger it started out innocent enough. She would say things like, “I wonder what happens when you stick gum in the microwave?”

Then she moved on to, “Hey, wouldn’t it be fun if you convince your room-mate to push you home in a shopping cart? The eggs won’t break… Scout’s honor.” FYI, the eggs always break. Especially when you get in a shopping cart wreck. Then you end up bleeding in the middle of the street with a shopping cart laying on top of you while your room-mate goes to find money for more eggs… but I digress.

Lately she’s been saying stuff like, “Hey you should eat that cookie.” or “You should drink 5 margaritas and try to dance like Beyonce.” That’s never actually happened.

Oh that reminds me… I need to look up that video of Beyonce getting her hair stuck in a fan. Coco tried to get me to watch it instead of going out for a run this morning but I didn’t listen to her. I forgot all about it until now.

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Beyonce’s alter ego must have been like. “Hey, go stand in front of that fan while you sing this song… it’ll be fun.”

Oh Sasha, why do you have to be so mean? Sasha is Beyonce’s alter ego, just in case you didn’t know…  true story.

Anyway, today was the first day that I actually regret not taking Coco’s advice. After my run this morning I felt bad for leaving Scout behind. I just couldn’t handle him and the stroller at the same time. So when I was done with my run I swung back around and picked him and Bridget up so that we could go for a walk. He was SO happy!

so happy

Unfortunately, Coco Robicheaux thought we should go to Starbucks even though I had some of my homemade iced coffee before the run. (For the record I didn’t listen to her, instead of getting a venti iced caramel macchiato with extra caramel I got a venti unsweetened iced tea. Thankyouverymuch.)

Once we arrived several people were sitting outside chatting with friends while they had their coffee. Among them was a man reading his newspaper while his toy poodle lounged next to his chair. As we walked past Scout decided that he should give that poodle a little sniff. He started to lean his head over in that direction and the man swatted at him with his newspaper.

I was in shock. Did that guy just hit my dog with his newspaper? It wasn’t rolled up but it was rude all the same.

Coco told me to snatch that newspaper from that man’s sweaty pudgy fingers and whack him over the head with it and see how he likes it!

I didn’t do that.

So then she told me to give him a dirty look, “Make it good” and I did. Only I was wearing sunglasses so he didn’t see it. I strode past him to get my drink fuming all the same. By the time I had walked back out with my drink in hand to give him the dirty look he deserves, sans the sunglasses, he was gone. I had missed my opportunity to fight for my dog’s honor… I had let him down.

It’s been bugging me all day. Why is it that my first instinct is to be polite?

Brent tells me I’m a weirdo magnet because I smile at everyone… EVERYONE. I can’t help it. I don’t want to waste this dimple on not smiling! But I should be able to be rude to a man who hit my dog. Should I not?

Coco wouldn’t let me hear the end of it for the rest of the day. She tempted me with all kinds of bad ideas because I ignored her one good suggestion. But I stayed strong…

I cleaned the house.

I made zucchini lasagna.

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I stayed out of the wine…  oh wait, no I didn’t.

I made healthy zucchini muffins.

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Then I gave half of them to my neighbor because they tasted too good.

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I threw in a few zucchini while I was at it because I sprayed her wiener dogs with the water hose… all five of them. What?! They wouldn’t shut up on the other side of the fence. Besides, Coco made me do it.

I walked around the garden where Coco and I had a good laugh at the pepper plant that only has one pepper on it making the plant look like it has a wiener…

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Then we laughed at the word wiener. You know because of the wiener dogs and the…

Ahem, anyway. Doesn’t my garden look good?

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And with that I leave you with a give-a-way from Purina Dog Chow. They have offered to send one of my loyal dog loving readers a kit that is very similar to the one that I received. It includes the following:

  • One 4-pound bag of Purina Dog Chow Light & Healthy
  • 10 Samples of Purina Dog Chow Light & Healthy to share with your friends, family
  • Product Brochure
  • Leash
  • Dog bowl
  • Doggie water bottle
  • Pet pedometer
  • Bandana

To enter this giveaway respond to this post in the comments section by telling me what kind of dog you have. Also, please share your thoughts on what you would have done if a weirdo hit your dog with a newspaper. It can happen to you!

You have until Thursday at midnight. I will announce who the winner is on Friday during this week’s weigh-in so be sure to stay tuned.

Hansel and Gretel

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I feel like I have been stuck in a fairy tale. Have you actually read an old school fairy tale? They’re demented and scary as hell, the stuff nightmares are made of.

Of all of the tales out there I felt like Hansel and Gretel the most. I’ve been lost in the woods looking for a big house made of candy. Then I got trapped and was forced to eat until my fingers got chubby. The only problem was that I was the witch in this story as well.

How I got so lost in the first place is a complete mystery to me and why I veered off of the path that was making me so happy is an even bigger question.

I got stuck in that mystical place of, “I’ll start tomorrow… tomorrow… tomorrow…”  My brain was like a whirlpool whipping around and around pulling me down. It’s crazy how your brain can get in the way of your own best interests.

But guess what! Today was the day I found my way out of the woods… or the whirl pool… or the refrigerator. (Keep up with my analogies!)

I’m back to me again (the healthy me) and it all simply started with a healthy breakfast.

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Oatmeal microwaved in a left over peanut butter jar with bananas and chia seeds. Yum.

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Then after my morning walk with the munchkin I watered the garden and discovered that I have a TON of zucchini that need to be eaten. You may not be able to tell in this picture but these suckers are huge!

This has prompted me to look up zucchini recipes. Skinnytaste has so many options to choose from. She has a whole Pinterest board dedicated to it here.  I’ve tried a few of the recipes and so far and they are winners.

But my one of my go to recipes for tricking Bridget to eat her veggies is zucchini “crab” cakes.

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I always conveniently forgot to mention the zucchini part whenever I served these to Bridget. She never noticed even though they were full of zucchini. If you click on the link above the recipe tells you to fry these in 1/2 c of oil but that’s not necessary. They are perfectly tasty just sprayed with a little cooking spray and sautéed in a pan at med-high heat or you could spray them with spray and cooking them in the oven at 450 until crispy on top.

That is what I plan on doing tonight served with pan seared fish with fresh lemon.

Why is it that I always forget how yummy eating healthy can be?

Now last week I told you I was invited to do a blogger challenge where I logged into a sight and tried workouts and recipes. At Fit Women’s Weekly Taylor has a plethora of workouts and recipes that you can try. The workouts are intense and can burn some serious fat and she also provides full meal plans for you as well.

I was super excited about it and wanted to post the workouts on the blog to share with you all. Then I realized that it took a damn hour to study the workout and then share it with you so that you could simply understand what it was asking you to do. Penelope is down to one nap a day and honestly I have other things I would rather blog about.

The workouts are great but they require too much counting and timing. My workout time is sacred to me, it’s my alone time and I’m fortunate to have a hottie hubby who is also a personal trainer. He does all of the counting and timing for me. So why would I want to do it myself?

Honestly, it’s kind of cramping my style. This blog is all about being honest and we all know I’m a brat. I do what I want and I don’t want to do that.

However, I can see how this would be a great starting point for when you have just started your journey and you seriously just need someone to tell you what to do. It eliminates any confusion you may have on where to start.

Also, don’t like being told what to do. Duh… I told you, I’m a brat!

That being said, I’m not posting her workouts because I intend to spend all of that typing time on making some yummy zucchini bread muffins for the girl’s breakfast tomorrow instead.

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The more time I spend in the kitchen cooking the more weight I tend to lose. Weird, huh? I think it’s because I’m fully aware of every ingredient that is going into my body. I’ll be making zucchini lasagna when Brent gets home from work.

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This weight loss business sure is tasty! How could I have forgotten?!