Bathe Me In Coffee and Let Me Sleep

It’s 10:30 in the morning and I’m laying in bed wearing a t-shirt that is covered in what I can only guess is snot. I’ve finally gotten the opportunity to catch some sleep because Penelope is taking a morning nap… but I can’t. I’m too tired to sleep.

You see, last night this happened again.

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I haven’t slept in six days. I’m not talking about going to sleep and then being woken up a few hours later and then going to sleep again. I’m talking. no. sleep. I’m losing it…

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Penelope’s fever finally went away for good but in the mean time she has acquired some horrible sleep habits… as in not sleeping. Ever.

Poor Brent has been there right with me. We went through the grieving process together. Snapping at each other as each attempt at coaxing her to go to sleep failed. Then there was the denial as we lied there blinking up at the ceiling pretending like we didn’t hear her whining in her crib. Until finally at 4 in the morning we held each other grieving our defeat and mourning the loss of another night’s sleep.

Brent had to “wake” up to go to work at 5:30 and I was worried that he might drive off of the side of the mountain on his way to work. I even called him shortly after to make sure he didn’t. Penelope finally fell asleep at 5 and I slept until 7. Then she woke up again and decided to do her best Axl Rose impression. That’s when I chose to ignore her and take the time to get fancy with my coffee because I was standing in a t-shirt covered in snot… bleary eyed and desperately grasping. Grasping for what I’m not sure. I forget.

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It was even important enough for me to take pictures of the whole process and post it on Instagram with the caption “Got fancy with my IKEA geothermal only to realize it only lasts two seconds… screw fancy.” Then I noticed I got autocorrected and said, ” Ethics is a geothermal??? *frother.” And then I quit because I got autocorrected again and decided to forget the whole thing and drink my coffee…

Only I couldn’t because it toppled into my lap and for one strange moment I sat there drenched in my coffee feeling cozy and warm and wanting to lay my head down right there and sleep. Then Axl started screeching again and I remembered where I was and what I was doing… drowning in my failed fancy coffee.

She doesn’t have a fever anymore and her only problem lies in the fact that she hasn’t slept as long as I haven’t slept. (Did that sentence even make any sense?)

Finally, defeated I put her down for a morning nap and to my surprise she passed out. Finally. And I went to do the same thing only I couldn’t because now I’m the crazy one who won’t sleep.

Instead, I spent an hour snort laughing while browsing damnyouautocorrect.com

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I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have been as funny if I had actually slept but I had a good laugh…

Penelope is now awake again and I’ve missed my opportunity to take a shower. Now I have no option other than to spray my hair with dry shampoo until I look like Marie Antoinette and try to act normal. I’m not so sure it’s going to work.

Photo on 10-20-13 at 12.03 PM

Tomorrow’s weigh-in should be interesting.

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