I’m Going To Have To Mentally Bitch Slap Myself

Happy Sunday friends!!!

We’ve had a crazy beautiful weekend here in Colorado so instead of sitting inside writing about myself on my stupid laptop I decided to take the time to go outside and play!

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We went on our first bike ride since Fall and Bridget took the opportunity to lay outside in the sunshine while she read her book.

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In fact, the only reason I’m sitting here talking to you now is because I just got back from a run with Scout and I’m waiting for Penelope to wake up so that I can do my grocery shopping.

This week was crazy busy and I felt like I needed some alone time to just sort out all of the stuff that has been rattling around in my head. After my run I felt much better and was able to jot down a few things that I need to accomplish within the next few days…

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I think it’s safe to say that I’m getting my ass kicked at the moment.

I busted my butt this past week trying to balance it all.  I did all of my assignments, I worked for nine hours a day and I even managed to go for a run a few times this week after school.

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I ran as fast as I could trying to beat the sun as it slipped behind the mountains. I have a feeling the longer the days get the longer my runs will become. I also managed to carve out some time with Bridget doing what we do best…

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Hoard books!

Is it weird that we have a tendency to pick out the same books from the teen section? It’s bad enough that my students love the fact that I’m addicted to Teen Wolf… I‘m just kidding I don’t really watch Teen Wolf. Yes, I do.

Over all, I feel like this week was the best week I’ve had since I’ve started this student teaching adventure. Brent really stepped up his game and made some really yummy healthy dinners for us this week. But then Thursday rolled around and I was really wishing it was Friday so I pretended like it really was Friday and ordered pizza for dinner. I did this during a moment of weakness. To be honest I was just really feeling sorry for myself for having worked so hard.

After eating the pizza (and drinking the beer that I bought to go with the pizza) a realization hit me. I was totally making excuses for why I should be able to eat like crap.

I’m tired.

I’ve worked so hard.

I just want to relax.

I’ve been responsible in all other aspects of my life, I deserve a chance to let loose.

Well guess what else is going to be let loose this May when my student teaching stint is over?

My thighs that’s what!

The weather is going to be deliciously warm and I’m going to want to go for a run in shorts so that I get can a tan on my pasty gams while I run in the sun. Only I’ll end up with a half wedgie sunburn line because my thighs are going to devour my shorts. Then I’ll hobble home with chapped thighs leaving a trail of traumatized people behind me on the running trail.

Don’t spend too much time trying to visualize the picture I just painted for you because it’s not pretty.

Basically, what I’m trying to tell you is that for the next 13 weeks I’m just going to have to suck it up and do my best. My true best… not the fake best I try to sell to myself when I don’t really want to apply the self-discipline it takes to actually meet goals.

This means I’m going to have to mentally bitch slap myself every time I try to justify what I know is wrong.

Here is a list of things I’m going to have to force myself to do in order to reach my goals:

  1. Eat lots of veggies.
  2. Drink lots of water. (Even if I’m not allowed to have a key to the big people bathroom at school.)
  3. Limit sugar intake.
  4. Only have one alcoholic beverage a week.
  5. Get over my mommy guilt and work out!

My goal is to weigh somewhere in the 170’s by the time I’m done with my student teaching simply because I’ve been stuck in the 180’s for WAY too long.

Weighing in the 180’s wouldn’t be a problem if I were healthy in that weight range but the truth is that I’m not. In fact, I’ve avoided going to the doctor because they are going to want me to test my cholesterol again. Last time I had it checked my levels were high and I don’t want to have to go back in and be put on cholesterol meds. The other goal will be to make a doctor appointment for the beginning of May in order to face the truth and see where I stand on all of that stuff. Hopefully all of my hard work will have paid off by then.

So I guess, this is the part where I tell you how much I weigh. Honestly I keep forgetting to weigh myself. So once again I missed out on the golden post morning pee weigh-in opportunity and had to run up stairs to weigh in for you guys again. I weighed 189.4. This is less than last week but still not where it needs to be. I’m also going to have to take monthly pictures next weekend. Honestly, I’m not really looking forward to it. Since I haven’t been lifting weights everything has gotten fluffier again. But this blog is about being brutally honest with myself so… brace yourself.

And with that I will leave you with two recipes that I plan on making this week…

The first one is Creamy Cauliflower Garlic Rice, which I plan on making tonight with grilled chicken and roasted asparagus.

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Doesn’t it look yummy?!

I was also in a French peasant kind of mood so I think I’ll make this split pea soup recipe from Ina Garten.

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I’m waiting for the cold weather to creep up again so that I can sit by the fire with my weekly glass of merlot, slopping up the last bits of this soup with a crusty piece of whole grain bread. Bridget and I will probably practice our French accents that night and Brent will rolls his eyes and pretend like he didn’t marry such a big dork.

Welp folks… I hear Penelope chirping in her crib. So I better head for the store…

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Hope you have a great week!

Good News… Bad News

Good News- I have sore muscles.

Bad News- The sore muscle actually resides in my jaw… from eating an entire bag of gummy bears while I frustratingly tried to figure out how to compile all of my course work for my grad class.

Good News- My students loved the giraffe shirt I wore on Friday. I over heard one girl say, “OMG! I would wear that.”

Bad News- I wore it to hide the muffin top that was escaping over the waistband of my pants. Plus, I’m not so sure it’s a good thing that I have the same sense of style as many of my 8th grade students. More bad news… they didn’t even notice my quotation mark earrings. There was an ongoing debate in our house on whether they were actually cool or not. Brent thought I was a dork. Bridget thought I was cool.

These fashion choices I’ve been making have just confirmed that I really am like Cam from Modern Family. I’m seriously tempted to buy a treble clef sweater just so that I can wiggle my hips and say…

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“Here comes treble!”

This would be even more ridiculous because I’m not a music teacher.

Good News- I finally got to watch the season premiere of Downton Abbey.

Bad News- I drank a whole bottle of wine while I did it. Well… actually I split a bottle of wine with a friend (but I’m pretty sure I drank more than she did.)

Good News- I split a bottle of wine with my friend and then snuggled under blankets on her super cozy couch while I wore my super stretchy yoga pants and drank hot tea after we ran out of the wine. It was a perfect girl’s night in.

Good News- I got all of my course work done on Saturday so that I could relax and spend the remainder of the weekend spending quality time with my family.

Bad News- It took me about ten hours to complete the assignments not including all of the time I spent in the classroom. This also did not include all of the research time it took to figure out what exactly was expected of me on the assignment since the expectations have somehow exploded and have been scattered among the course modules leaving hints here and there as to what they actually want me to do. More bad news… I got a zero on the assignment for not adding an important component that wasn’t even mentioned on the assignment but could be found in a random link hidden within the coursework.

(Now do you see where the gummy bears came in?)

Good News- I later found out that the zero wasn’t a permanent grade. More good news I was so angry about my grade I turbo cleaned my entire house while mumbling things to myself about how much I hate this class. This resulted in a clean house in about fifteen minutes. That left me plenty of time to take Penelope out to the park so that we could play.

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It was so beautiful outside! It was actually a perfect day for a run so that’s exactly what I did.

Bad News- My husband knows this is how I react when I’m angry. So I’m pretty sure he pisses me off on purpose just so that he can enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Good News- Brent and Penelope get to spend a ton of quality time together now that I’m gone all day during the week.

Bad News- This is what I come home to…

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I’m not even kidding, I actually had to go to the neighborhood bar to pick up the jolly roger flag that he left there by mistake.

Bad News- I forgot today was Sunday and that I was supposed to do my weekly weigh-in. That means I have to tell you how much I weigh after drinking a gallon of water and eating a massive sandwich for lunch. I just took a break from typing to step on the scale and I just found out that I weigh 191.6. That’s more bad news.

Bad News- I just caught myself making up excuses…

Good News- There’s always tomorrow!

Today while I was out running with Penelope in the jogging stroller I came to a conclusion. I’m going to have to just put aside all of the mommy guilt I harbor throughout the week about not wanting to leave the kids to workout after I get out of school. I need that time to myself to unwind after a long day in the classroom before jumping right in to my other responsibilities. Plus, I’m much nicer if I can work the crazy out. After all, this whole process is about finding balance and at the moment I am anything but balanced.

So for the remainder of the week the plan is to go for a run every day after school with Penelope in the jogging stroller. Then when I’m done with my run we’ll spend some quality time at the park before I go home to cook dinner. If it happens to be too cold to run outside I’ll just go to the gym where I’ll lift weights and do 20 minutes of HIIT cardio.

I’m at a point where I can’t over think things and come up with elaborate workouts because I’m just too busy for that. I simply just have to move.

I really miss all of the cross fit workouts Brent used to put me through but he’s too busy trying to catch up with his clients in the evenings because he’s with Penelope all day. When student teaching is over, I’ll see if I can convince him to do it again 😉

Bad News- Nap time is almost over and I didn’t use that time to just sit and relax.

Good News- It’s a three day weekend so I have plenty more time on my hands.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Some Issues To Attend To

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Sooo, remember that one time when I told you that I kept having a bunch of stuff go wrong but I didn’t care because I was just so happy to finally be doing my student teaching?

Well, I hit my limit on Sunday when Brent drove to the mountain with my car keys.

I had just finished my blog post and was just about to go grocery shopping when I realized that my key was gone. I was already a little on edge wondering how I was going to finish all of the stuff on my to-do list when the shit hit the fan.

Brent was an hour and a half away from us and wouldn’t be making his way home again until Tuesday morning… I freaked.

Penelope immediately picked up on my mood and freaked too. So during a nice calm Sunday morning two cry babies had at it in my living room where we were both in full on melt down mode.

Luckily, our friend who lives in the mountains was making his way down to Denver for the Bronco game and brought the key with him. He was in a hurry to get where he was going so I needed to find a ride to meet him so he wouldn’t have to go out of his way. The meeting time was in the middle of Penelope’s nap. This really sucked because I had a lot of school work that I needed to get done while she slept. That’s when my friend KJ came to the rescue.

She was originally supposed to give me a ride but she lives a block away from me and volunteered to take time out of her Sunday to get the key for me and just bring it to me so I could let Penelope sleep.

This isn’t the first time KJ has rescued me. We don’t have family near by so she has been called on in emergency matters more than once.

  • Like the time I had a migraine while Brent was at work and needed to go to the ER. KJ held my hair while I silent puked in an awkward plastic bag. (It’s true… I can puke without making a sound. It’s a gift.)
  • Or that one time when I was super pregnant and about to deliver Penelope and had to escape to her house for a while because I was afraid I might murder my husband. I had sent him to the store to buy me Gatorade because I was sick and dehydrated. He forgot the Gatorade and brought home beer instead.
  • There was also this other time she took me to the ER (again) when I got something stuck in my eye. It was an exfoliating bead from my exfoliating face wash. Turns out exfoliating your eyeball is a really bad idea.

But none of that is important. The point is KJ is a saint, always dealing with my shenanigans and bailing me out of stuff leaving me to wonder why she even wants to be my friend.

When KJ showed up on my doorstep not only was she holding my car key but she also brought me this bouquet of flowers to cheer me up. (She may or may not have heard my meltdown over the phone.)

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It totally turned my day around. I got all of my school work done, I did a ton of laundry, I cuddled with my kids and I went grocery shopping during the Bronco game which meant I pretty much had the store to myself (awesome!). I just knew that my unlucky streak was over and that this week all of the kinks were going to be worked out. I was so ready for the week ahead.

When this morning rolled around I felt especially rested. That’s when I realized my alarm didn’t go off.

Apparently, I have some serious issues I need to attend to…

Weekly Weigh-in and Meal Plans (kind of)

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Good Morning!

I woke up at 5 again this morning. It only made sense because I passed out at 8. I’m seeing a really lame pattern here.

Brent was getting ready to leave for work and when I walked into the kitchen he looked at me like I was a weirdo…

It actually made for a perfect morning because I got to meal plan and make my grocery shopping list before Penelope woke up. Who knows, if I get this blog post done on time I might even make it to yoga this morning.

I’m still struggling with balancing everything out but I’ll get there eventually.

When I woke up I did my obligatory weigh-in and the scale said 188.2. Things got a little out of hand during the holidays… I’m waiting for my next milestone of being in the 170’s. I’m so sick of seeing my numbers linger in the 180’s!

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to just buckle down and try really hard to maintain a healthy balance during these next four months of student teaching. If I pack healthy meals during school, make healthy dinners at home and continue to work out I should lose a good amount of weight when I’m done at the end of April… Just in time for swimsuit weather! I’m so glad I decided to do my student teaching during the winter months based on the fact that it’s yucky outside.  That way I won’t really miss any prime playing outside weather. My goal is to weigh in the 160’s by the time that I’m done with student teaching.

It’s not going to be easy and I’m going to be tempted to throw excuses your way. So keep an eye out for that and call me on it m’kay?

In order to avoid the excuses I’ve been planning my butt off. But guess what? There is such a thing as over planning…. well, at least in my book there is. Over this past week I’ve decided that anal retentive planning doesn’t work for me because I’m a brat and change my mind throughout the week.

That being said, there is a need for planning, just not the crazy kind.

So instead of picking a meal for each day of the week. I have decided to pick out four meals that I can make throughout the week with a mental list of which meal would work best for what day of the week depending on extra curricular activities and such. This leaves room for opting for leftovers if the need arrises. Or making something on a whim based off of what I’m craving. (If I keep junk out of my house this won’t become dangerous.) I’ve also done the same thing for packing lunches.

Here are my lunch ideas:

Here are my dinner ideas:

I’m still struggling with scheduling my workouts. I’m even contemplating doing workout videos. UGACK! (That’s me gagging.) I hate those things, the music alone makes me want to cry not to mention the witty banter… eeew! BUT I’ve got to do something or I might eat my young or even possibly the youth I teach. (That wouldn’t look so good on a resume.)

Can’t wait for the days to get longer and warmer so that I can take my workout buddies (Penelope and Scout) for long runs again 😦 Oh summer come to me!!!

She’s Alive!

Guess what?!

I made it…I survived my first week of student teaching.

I had been losing sleep over this inevitable milestone for a while. I was mainly worried about my first day because Brent was going to be at work, meaning I was in charge of getting the kids ready, packed up and dropped off at the babysitter all by myself. I’ve been used to leisurely mornings for the past two years so I was a bit out of practice.

My friend Andrea knew I was feeling anxious about it so she offered to watch my kids for me. So on that fateful first day I found her on my doorstep at 6:20 armed with a latte and healthy homemade blueberry muffins that she had made.

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…oh and a banana too!

This was the most beautiful gift because it meant that I got to spend my morning cuddling with my girls instead of rushing around trying to get them ready for the day.

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I didn’t even have to get the kids dressed or feed them anything. She just took my sleepy eyed, pajama clad girls to her house  where she fed them breakfast, got them ready for the day and kept them entertained. All while sending me texts with pictures and leaving me notes  so that I knew all of the fun things they were doing. Isn’t she unbelievably sweet?! I felt like the ultimate taker, but she insisted… so I took 🙂

THANK YOU ANDREA!!! XOXO

I just have to take a moment to say that I am unbelievably blessed in the friendship department, always have been. Sometimes I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such good friends because they exceed all friendship expectations. I am constantly being one-uped in the nice department.

Anyway, carrying on…

The rest of the week was sort of a comedy of errors. The next morning I was dressed for success until Penelope head butted my coffee mug… while I was drinking it. Which required a last minute costume change. Then at the end of the day when I got in my car to go pick up the girls it wouldn’t start. The battery was dead. Brent was in the mountains so Andrea had to come to the rescue… again.

While I waited for her to come help me I sat in the parking lot grading papers hoping that my toes wouldn’t freeze.

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That’s when Andrea and I gained a knew skill called The Art of Jumping A Car. Only I’m not so sure we actually did it right because it turns out my battery just had a loose connection. Meaning that it wouldn’t start several occasions throughout the week.  So there were several times when I would have to hop out of the hoopty (dressed in my best professional garb), open the hood, jiggle things around and hop back in. All while my middle schoolers watched me and made fun.

Why didn’t I just tighten the connection? Because jiggling stuff is about as far as I get with automotive skills. 

There were other things that went wrong and put me in embarrassing situations but that stuff’s not important.

What’s important is that none of that stuff even mattered. You might think that all of these mishaps would have made me grumpy but they didn’t. I had a blast! I was just so excited to be doing my student teaching. The kids were so much fun, the staff was super nice and supportive and I knew that I was in the right place.

I have a feeling as time passes my morning routine will eventually iron itself out.

Since I have to be at work around 6:45,  it has been confirmed that there is no way in hell I’m going to be able to go to the gym in the morning, shower and have the kids ready for drop off. This realization hit me on Thursday when I realized that the only way to be ready on time even without working out called for a 4:30 wakeup time. So, I’ve decided that I have to go to the gym on the nights that Brent is home from the firehouse. I refuse to miss out on more time with my girls during the day.  That means I’ll have to go to the gym after I put Penelope down for bed around 8:30. I’m going to be tired but I get crazy if I don’t workout so I’m just going to have to suck it up.

I’ve also realized that not only do I have to pack my lunch every day but I also have to pack my breakfast as well. Otherwise, I don’t have time to eat. Plus, I learned that there is no time for snacking throughout the day so both of those meals need to be filling.

That’s when I started bringing breakfast with me in a mason jar…

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A chopped apple topped with greek yogurt, with cinnamon and a little bit of natural sugar sprinkled on top.

I also brought a little bag of Kashi cereal to sprinkle in there as well. It was so filling and got me through those long mornings. It didn’t take long for it to become my go-to move. For lunch I packed lots of  Kale salads and left overs from the night before.

I didn’t end up making any of the dinners that I had planned ahead of time. We ended up eating a lot of meals with beans for some reason. This ended up being a painful decision after a few days…

Which begs the question… when do teachers find time to pass gas? They never have privacy!

The school won’t even give me a key to the teacher bathroom so every time I have to go I have to ask another adult for permission which is AWKWARD.

Bridget loves beans so one night she really wanted to eat the left overs for dinner. I let her because it was a busy night but I refused to eat them myself for fear of what might happen during class the next day. I was too exhausted to make myself a different dinner so I ended up having a glass of wine and a chunk of dark chocolate. Then I passed out face first on the couch. I’m pretty sure I drooled a little.

To sum things up…  my mind and body has been through the ringer this week. There is no telling what the scale is going to say tomorrow during weigh in.

And yet, I already have another week to plan for…

I want to thank you all for the well wishes I’ve received as I go through this transition. I just want to ask you to hang in there with me as I figure out when to do my blog posts. I’m hoping to get into a rhythm of three posts a week again. I just have to figure out when to squeeze it in…

***Do you work full time? If so when do you squeeze in your workouts?***