Butthole Problems

funny-pictures-history-just-eating-my-feelings-away

Well, hello there… I’m back.

Just thought you should know.

Yeah… so, I’m feeling a bit awkward talking to you today. I wrote my last post while I was on pain medication after having my ectopic surgery and I just so happened to include details about the process that I kind of wish I hadn’t.  If I had been completely coherent I might have omitted the whole part about my anus hurting. Yep. Yep, that would have been a good part to leave out. Some details are better left out.

Then again… I might have just saved some woman’s life out there by sharing my tale of how I went to the doctor for butthole problems and stomach cramps.  Only to find out I didn’t have butthole problems at all, just a scary case of “your fallopian tube is on the verge of exploding”. So, I guess I can bare the humiliation if I’ve saved a life.

You’re welcome.

(Fun fact: I’m not sure I’ve actually used the word butthole since I was a kid while fighting over a turn with a Nintendo controller. I’m pretty sure it was my insult of choice back in the day which is a really gross way of insulting someone if you think about it.)

Needless to say, this whole ectopic pregnancy thing completely threw me off guard. For the first week after the surgery I was a zombie, a hormonal zombie who had just lost a baby she didn’t know she wanted until it was taken away from her. I would be fine one minute and a complete wreck the next. I slept a lot… and I cried a lot. Just when I would think I was starting to feel better and get my energy back I would be hit with another wave of exhaustion. I was tired of being tired and tired of being sad. I’m not one for mourning. I tend to want to just get over things without giving myself the time to fully process them. In this case there was nothing I could have done. What good did it do me to cry about it?

It doesn’t help that my body is in the midst of an identity crisis. My aches and pains from the surgery are gone but I still have pregnancy symptoms (boobs hurting, smells, fatigue, mood swings).  In fact, I feel like they have intensified lately which is really freaking me out. Maybe it’s like having a phantom pain when you amputate something. My brain just can’t wrap itself around the loss of something that was a part of me. I just went out to dinner with my family tonight and I looked down to discover that everything that I had aimed at my mouth was sitting on my newly engorged chest.  I’m pretty sure my boobs are convinced that they are still pregnant. I wish it would just go away because it’s really messing with my head.

Other than that I’m feeling much better. I thought you should know since I wrote that weird drug induced post about my anus the surgery and all. Now, just do me a favor and cross your fingers that I don’t do something drastic like drown in a bag of Cheetos while I sort out my feelings on phantom pregnancy symptoms. M’kay? That would be great and if you do that I’ll promise to write blog posts with more appropriate titles.

 

7 thoughts on “Butthole Problems

  1. I did not laugh out loud at the post title. That would be inappropriate of me given what you are going through. Ahem.

    I am glad you are out of danger but hate that you have the emotional stuff to deal with now. You know what? I know this is a get healthy blog and all but if you ate the bag of cheetos it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Sometimes food DOES help and make us feel better. Just go with it if the hormonal spirit moves you.

    Xoxo

  2. My heart aches for you! You had mentioned you wanting your story to help someone! I have a son that is going to be 4 at the end of the month. He is alive because I had a friend share her gross yuck cramp and pressure stories. At 24 weeks pregnant I had a light bulb moment …, my body is doing that gross yuck cramp pressure thing. With intervention and bed-rest from April-July I was able to not have the same out come as my friend. I can’t thank her enough for her transparency and honesty! Her story could have been mine. And if u need a Cheeto or a bag. Go ahead. This valley you are in will turn into a mountain top and you can burn them off in the way up !
    Prayers for you all!!

  3. Please don’t ever be embarrassed by your honesty, it’s why I love your blog so much! Medication induced or not, I am very fond of people who can “put it all out there”…and you seem to always do it with tact and even humor. I am with you 100% that you could potentially help someone by giving all the details. In a world of fake-everything, it’s refreshing to read a blog that is real, with a real-life woman going through real-life things. Thanks for that! Sometimes you have to heal your soul before you can move on, and sometimes that means eating the Cheetos! You can worry about your body when you feel better.

  4. I’m sorry you are having the symptoms still. That will last a bit until your hcg levels get low again. I got my blood taken once a week for 5-6 weeks until they reached zero. It was awful.
    It’s okay to mourn your loss… It will get better with time if you feel the pain and grieve.
    Never apologize for being “too honest.” I think that this is a topic affecting many that is never talked about… But it’s so painful and common.
    Hang in there. 🙂

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