“Sometimes There Are Just Things You Shouldn’t Say Out Loud”

You know how I tend to say inappropriate things on this blog?

Well, that’s because I treat this thing like a night out with friends drinking wine. I say this because many women are wise enough to keep some of their thoughts tucked away until it’s appropriate – like those times when you are in a room full of other woman who have their wine glasses filled to the brim. Only, I don’t need an unusually large glass of wine to share these thoughts. In fact, I’m usually sipping on a cup of coffee while writing these posts fully aware of the words that I am about to spout out.

I write this blog because I need an outlet, without it I feel like my brain is going to explode.  After I write a post I get that same release that you get after having a really awesome conversation with a friend…

If I put it all out there I feel so much better. And whether you acknowledge it or not, many times you have the same thoughts as I do. You’re just smart enough not to vocalize it.

For instance, one time I confessed to my dad that when I was a teenager I wished that I was best friends with Jay Z so that he could give me piggy back rides. In my teenaged mind piggy back rides was the ultimate form of showing outsiders just how much fun you were having. It would be a good time…

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My dad did not agree. He just looked at me like I was weirdo and wisely said, “Nina, sometimes there are just things you shouldn’t say out loud.”

Fair enough… message received.

Kind of.

Now if I feel the need to designate a celebrity to give me piggy back rides I just save it for my blog.

…okay, I see it now. It is kind of weird.

You know, that weight loss blog I write? Well, it’s kind of a weight loss blog. Maybe we should actually call it a weight loss struggle blog. Would that be more appropriate?

I’ve been struggling the past few months in a way that I haven’t struggled in a long time.

This summer I was blind sided by emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. Then I got depressed about the baby they had to remove from my fallopian tube. Then before I was able to fully process anything I got a part time job that is actually a full time job. I had no idea how quickly the working process would take effect. I thought I would have time to prepare myself emotionally and physically for the transition from stay at home mom to working mom.

It didn’t really work out that way.

I had to stay home from our family vacation and was immediately thrown into one of the toughest jobs on the planet… teaching.

I’ve had a few growing pains, sacrifices were made in order to ensure I was doing a good job. Then mommy guilt kicked in full force so more sacrifices were made to ensure that I was able to still fit in quality time with my kids. The number one thing scratched off of the priority list was me. This has become evident by the lack of posting going on.

This blog is a direct reflection of how much time I get to myself.

Without this blog I haven’t had an outlet for the random thoughts that I have throughout the day. These little moments come together to create my perspective on life. Without them I feel a bit empty inside. So let’s just take a moment to enjoy a few of the little moments of my life as of late. Shall we?

1.) The time I walked into work and had my breath taken away by my view of the sun physically pulling the darkness of the night out of the earth. It was a chilly morning but those little wisps of dew floating in the air seemed to represent the promise of a beautiful day on the horizon.

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2.) This morning when I went to unlock the door to the computer lab at school. There was something about the way the key fit in the old school door knob that I was instantly reminded of The Never Ending Story. It made me think of the scene where the kid steals the key to the school attic where he hides for the remainder of the day eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and reading a really big book.

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I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to do that too!

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3.) There was also another morning where I glimpsed out my classroom window just in time to see the sun rise. Yeah, I would have preferred to experience this view from the seat of my cruiser bike while the cool wind rushed through my hair. But there is something to be said for how my classroom was included in my view because even if it is hard work, I do look forward to seeing my students every day. I just love the fact, that as a middle school teacher, I get to witness one of the most awkward moments of my student’s lives. There’s a simple beauty to being a part of their first coming of age. Not to mention the fact that they are hilarious, and make me laugh every single day.

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4.) There was also a particularly exhausting evening when Brent was at the fire station. Bridget was moody from a long day of school and Penelope was on the verge of a torrential melt down from playing too hard at the babysitter’s house. I made an executive decision that night to have a mid-week movie night. It was raining out, so as soon as we walked through the door we put on our warm cozy pajama pants and set to work on making broccoli cheddar soup from scratch together. We also made a batch of stove top popcorn and made the adventurous decision to combine the two. It was Master Chef quality ya’ll.

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We spent the remainder of the night snuggling and watching Chicken Little. It was absolute perfection.

5.) That fun Saturday night last weekend spent with my long lost friend and the girls decorating for Halloween, dancing and eating junk food slumber party style.

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You see, without having the time to write my blog I also haven’t had the time to just sit back and reflect on all of the little things that make my life so great.

I have also noticed that a few bad habits have started to develop since I started working. They were just a few things I did out of desperation in order to simply make it through another crazy day… and then another… and then another.

Bad habits that I have adopted since I started working.

1. Stopping for a sugary coffee before work.

2. Taking my pants off as soon as I walk through the door in protest of doing anything else productive for the rest of the day.

3. Not cooking fresh home cooked meals but instead opting for processed quick fixes (junk food).

4. I’ve stopped reading for fun.

5. I’ve stopped writing for fun.

6. I’ve stopped riding my bike.

7. I’ve stopped listening to music on a daily basis (probably because I’m not running anymore).

8. I complain a lot more than I used to.

A few good habits that I have adopted since I started working…

1. I skip out on that nightly glass of wine and opting for vanilla sleepy time tea instead.

2. I wake up at 5 in the morning everyday and have accomplished at least two things before my kids wake up and the day starts.

3. … meh, I ran out. (Three just seemed like a good number for a list.)

After weeks of doing the same things in order to survive I quickly realized that life wasn’t going to slow down.  In the mean time, the little things that I did to make it through the day became habits. Bad habits.

Then last Sunday on my weekly trip to the Farmer’s Market/book store I came across this book called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.

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I can’t honestly say that I’ve had time to finish reading it yet. However, the little bit that I have read has already broadened my horizons with the use of  these little nuggets of wisdom…

“At one point we all consciously decided how much to eat and what to focus on when we got to the office, how often to have a drink or when to go for a jog. Then we stopped making a choice, and the behavior became automatic.”

“When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in decision making.”

This reminded me of an inspirational poster I have hanging in my class room…

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It has really caused me to pay attention to all of the little decisions that I make throughout the day.

I’ve been thinking about how to create good habits, not only for myself but also for the kids that I deal with on a daily basis. I can help my kids create habits like cleaning up after themselves and eating healthy. I can help my students create better study habits. I can make my day run seamlessly while simultaneously taking care of all of the necessities of every day life.

All I have to do is consciously make myself eat healthy fresh food,  find the time to exercise, force myself to carve out time to write and reflect. Then… before I know it. It will just become a habit and it won’t feel like a chore anymore. It will just be something that I tend to do. And I’ll feel ten times more awesome.

That being said, here is a list of habits I have decided to consciously adopt this coming week. They aren’t big choices but they will eventually have a positive impact.

1. Drink lots of water.

2. Cook all of my meals and only drink coffee I brewed myself.

3. Take a few minutes to myself every day to focus on me (i.e. reading, writing or playing outside)

***What are some of you habits? If you could change any of them what would they be?***

3 thoughts on ““Sometimes There Are Just Things You Shouldn’t Say Out Loud”

  1. This is a great post. Sometimes life has a way of throwing you into different eating habits without even realizing! I have a terrible habit accidentally not eating all day, then consumed like 1000 calories when I get home from work. No good! Keep on keeping on! You can do it!

  2. I stay up WAY too late even though I KNOW I have to get up at 5:15 every morning. And every night I SAY I am going to go to bed earlier and I don’t. I am a night owl by nature and it is HARD to force myself to go to bed. Hello, I’m in my 30s, you would think by now I would just do it because I know mornings suck without enough sleep.

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